1 in 2000: Mac Mansfield Uncategorized May 21, 2015 In the spirit of full disclosure, this interview was conducted in full nudity in the Shvitz at the JCC. The Campanile: Ok Mac, let’s dive right in to this. Everyone is dying to know about your past loves. Mac Mansfield: Well, I love love first of all. My heart goes out to all the women I have devastated. You see, I am 3-0 with breakups. TC: What about that fourth relationship? MM: Sharissa Jalapeno, how do I put this softly? She broke my heart. She had the indecency of meeting me in public and stepping on my heart in front of hundreds of people. TC: So you lost that one? MM: I’ll have you know when I met up with her I was planning on breaking up with her. TC: So it is more like 3-0-1. MM: Exactly. TC: Let’s switch over to the other gender here. What can you tell me about your relationship with Griffin Carlson? MM: Well I didn’t really have a choice, he chose me. Griffin Carlson: Are you saying you’re submissive to my will? *Griffin straddles Mac* TC: Comments on the JCC Shvitz? MM: I often cut freshmen history to cleanse my body here. TC: Why are you in freshman history? MM: Well, I was expelled freshmen year and I have to take this class if I want to graduate … which I do. TC: Why were you expelled? MM: Next question. TC: Why weren’t you at school Monday? MM: I went MIA in the wilderness. TC: Any drama with your ex-lovers? MM: I cried all night, but other than my slayed dreams, nothing transpired. TC: What is your opinion on the famed Dulik? MM: Let’s just say if coach didn’t hold me back, there would’ve been two hits, one being my fist and the second being Dulik falling to his knees. TC: Favorite music and why. MM: Hip hop because it really represents me and my struggles well and electronic music because I like to get weird. TC: How weird? MM: What kind of audience does this publication have? TC: We’ll just stick with “super weird.” MM: Word slime. TC: Define slime and your other slang. MM: Slime — what you’d call a fellow guy that’s just living life. Moss — to chill out like moss on a rock. Buh — essentially the same as slime. TC: Plans for next year? MM: I will be heading back to the homeland at McGill. TC: On a scale of maple syrup to hockey, how much did the option of nuru massages influence your collegiate decision. MM: Hockey. TC: I noticed you adjust your hair a lot. MM: Yeah my dad called me a p***y for that. TC: You are wearing a headband. MM: I am, what about it? TC: It must take a lot of elastic to tame that flow. MM: Yeah so far only Lululemon headbands have been able to withstand the pressures of this mane. TC: In conclusion? MM: I love you Sharissa.