The Campanile: Do you even lift bro?
Roy Zawadzki: Ehhh yeah I go four times a week. To the Y.
TC: Why the Y?
RZ: There are so many mirrors to show off my gains.
TC: What advice would you give a first time lifter?
RZ: Everyone has to start somewhere.
TC: On a scale of one to 10, seven being the highest, how swole are you?
RZ: Seven being the highest? That’s an arbitrary scale.
TC: If you were a superhero, which you are, which superhero would you be?
RZ: Umm uhhhh Batman cuz he’s hella buff.
TC: Which celebrity would you say you most closely resemble?
RZ: Whoopi Goldberg.
TC: Favorite sport?
RZ: Ehhhh. Power lifting
TC: How do you get your legs so supple?
RZ: I sit on the calf machine for 30 minutes.
TC: What do you usually have for breakfast?
RZ: A protein bar.
TC: What do you aspire to do in the future?
RZ: Something video game related.
TC: If you had to choose one state in the US to blow up, and if you don’t choose one every state would be blown up, which state would you choose?
RZ: Which state do I hate the most…Wyoming, ‘cause there’s nothing there.
TC: What’s the lady situation looking lie right now?
RZ: The lady situation is more than sufficient. I got 10 numbers today, so the forecast is heavy rain.
TC: If you could go on a dream date with one person and do anything of your choice, who would it be and what would you do?
RZ: Ehhhhh (breathes heavily), I’d go with Amanda Seyfried. No, wait she’s ugly. Actually, yeah Amanda Seyfried. I’d go biking with her in the Swiss Alps.
TC: Do you have any last words of wisdom for all of our readers?
RZ: Confidence is the key.
TC: The key to what?
RZ: To life.
RZ: Because if you don’t have confidence people are going to think you’re dumb.
TC: What if you are dumb?
RZ: Then fake it til you make it. No scratch that, fake it til you break it baby (sighs contendedly).
TC: What’s the deal with your profile picture dude?
RZ: It’s all about the royd rage dude. I think your gains are probably jealous of my gains and that’s why all this animosity is coming out right now so blatantly (chuckles to self while crickets chirp in background).
TC: What’s your favorite class?
RZ: I thoroughly enjoy advanced placement Environmental Science because of the opportunity it presents to connect with nature.
TC: Are you a spiritual person?
RZ: Ehhhhh. Sometimes I feel like the God of gains but I don’t know if I’d classify that as spirituality.
TC: Thank you so much for doing this interview, Roy. Really appreciate it.
RZ: For true for true.