Imagine you and your significant other, sitting on top of a big hill that looks over the rest of the city, calling each other “pookie” while spooning as the sun sets on the horizon—both of you drenched in the sickly scent of love.
I’ll bring you back to reality: you were just daydreaming about your dream date while reading this alone — and single. Lucky for you, my prodigious knowledge of being single and how to deal with it may help you through your lonely thoughts. Here is a step-by-step guide on how to spend your Valentine’s Day (alone).
I’ll give you a breakdown of how I have been spending the past 16 years of my life as a single woman. I like to start prepping the night before; I normally watch “The Kissing Booth 3” or “Zootopia” (it depends on my mood) since it gets me in the right mindset to start the next day. I become very accepting of all romantic advances towards me –– more so than I already am –– and it keeps me hopeful that any of these romantic advances might even occur. You never know when cupid strikes.
When the next morning comes, I like to start with some affirmations that I repeat out loud. I am single, and that’s OK I am single, and that’s OK. I am single, and that’s OK. My mom sometimes asks me what I am doing in an undeservingly harsh tone. Of course, a married individual would never understand the power of my amorous affirmations.
Some other affirmations that I would recommend are I will get a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other, and I love myself. Because who will love you if you don’t love yourself, right? Or even if you do love yourself, for that matter.
Fast forward to about 30 minutes after my affirmations, and the effects are wearing off. I’m not OK with being single. I don’t love myself anymore. I feel the intense urge to change my current state of singlehood; I want to take action. During this time, I like to hit on some men. My favorite is Are you single? Because I am.
I like to deliver this one-line wonder with a quick wink and a slight twirling of the hair. They usually stare at me for a bit of time, with an expression on their face that I cannot describe in words. I assume that it is because they are so touched by my words and visage. While they look at me, I forget all about how single I am and how I don’t love myself. If you deliver this line, you as well will experience temporary relief from crippling thoughts of being single and will momentarily feel loved.
As you can apparently deduce, I am extremely experienced in how to spend Valentine’s day (alone), and from now on, you will too.