Feeling overwhelmed by college applications, the constant flood of social media posts and the pressure to be perpetually cheerful? If you’ve ever wondered how to achieve happiness without resorting to Netflix or extreme (and possibly hazardous) internet trends, you’re in the right place. Below are eight simple and effective tips for when life gives you more lemons than you can handle.
Tip #1: Eat balanced meals regularly
Challenge yourself and see how many food groups you can cram into one meal before it becomes a game of culinary Jenga. Leafy greens, protein, carbs and fiber — why not toss in a side of ice cream because isn’t life about balance? Nothing screams, “I’m making healthy choices,” more than a salad topped with sugar, cream and chocolate syrup.
Tip #2: Too tired and stressed? Exercise — fight exhaustion with more exhaustion
Consider exercising to release more endorphins. If you’re someone who has a visceral hate for moving your body, try listening to music, a podcast, audiobook or watching a show during your workout. If all else fails, try running away — from your responsibilities.
Tip #3: “Fix” your sleep schedule
Experts say sleep debt is bad, but what do they know? Can’t get your 8-9 hours during the school week? No need to worry about sleep debt; like credit card debt, you can always make up for it later by sleeping for half a day straight on the weekend. A simple 16-hour nap on Saturday should fix everything.
Tip #4: Touch some grass
We live in an era of rapid technological advancements, so don’t bother wasting time changing your clothes or putting on sunscreen to go outside. Instead, bring nature to you by buying more plants you’ll forget to water. Even better, experience nature the modern way: through YouTube survival shows or punching trees in Minecraft.
Tip #5: Allergic to grass? Cats are a fantastic substitute
If touching grass makes you sneeze like you’re auditioning for a new Kleenex ad, head over to Mini Cat Town in Stanford Shopping Center. Pay a humble $15 for 30 minutes of snuggle time with cats who couldn’t care less about your existence.
Tip #6: Delusion is the solution
Your best friend suddenly ghosts you after 3+ seemingly-blissful years of friendship and refuses to answer your texts? Easy fix — let delusion be your new best friend. Remember, you’re the main character in this slice-of-life TV show and this is all for the plot. Pulled an all-nighter for a calculus test that you barely passed? Delusion will convince you sleep deprivation enhances brain power and studying is just doubting your potential.
Tip #7: Get a journal — it’s where grateful thoughts go to die
Bottling up your emotions is so last season, and so are gratitude journals. Why limit yourself to only being grateful when you can scribble down unfiltered rants about your unhinged menace of a sibling or your “friend” who’s clearly making moves on your significant other behind your back? And if you’re feeling especially artsy, grab some crayons or paint and get to work. Anyone can be an artist nowadays.
Tip #8: Make time to hang out with friends (if they remember you exist)
This doesn’t have to mean meeting up with friends in-person — feel free to send memes or funny videos (or occasional shade) in your group chat once in a while to remind everyone you’re alive (no, Rebecca, I didn’t get hit by a white Tesla last week) and to maintain the illusion of friendship.
At the end of the day, true happiness is all about tricking yourself into thinking you’ve found an M&M in a pile of nut mix. Whether you’re pretending you have photographic memory for a test tomorrow, calling French fries and a Frosty a balanced meal or insisting you need a mental health break after finishing one physics problem, remind yourself to find joy in the little things. Your quality of life crumbles every year, so make sure to enjoy the moment — because it can always be worse.
