Only the faint shuffle of feet breaks the silence near a cracked door. Pillows stuffed under blankets create a decoy body. As a sophomore tiptoes down the stairs of their house, they avoid any creaky steps and slip outside, careful not to wake the dog. Their mom’s warnings echo in the back of their head but are easy to dismiss, and they end up returning just before their parents wake up.

The sophomore, who asked to remain anonymous because they don’t want their parents to find out about their sneaking out, said this amount of secrecy is needed because she wants to see her friends but is constantly watched by their parents, especially since they are an only child.

“My parents are definitely strict, and I think a big part of it is that I’m in high school now, so there are more risks and opportunities for bad things to happen,” the sophomore said.

As teenagers transition into high school, Victoria Cosgrove, an assistant professor of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Stanford University said as both a clinical worker and mother of four she has seen how family dynamics change.

“Your brain is maturing in a rapid-fire way,” Cosgrove said. “So on a social level you naturally start moving away from looking towards your parents and orient more towards your friends and the people around you for answers.”

While teenagers move towards their friends, the struggle of balancing academics, social life and extracurriculars, all while maintaining healthy relationships with family and friends, can place a strain on all students. Thus, Palo Alto resident Meredith Ackley said it’s important for parents to help their teen navigate this period.

“During this pivotal stage, when peer pressure and other influences can pull them off course, (parental) guardrails help ensure they stay safe and grounded,” Ackley said.

However, when parents feel the need to intervene in response to these challenges, Cosgrove said it often leads them to tighten their grip on control.

“Parents make more rules, usually, or crack down on the rules that they have because they feel like they’re kind of like losing control,” Cosgrove said. “And then that leads to just the opposite of what the parents want, which is more trying to evade the rules.”

Whether it’s a strict curfew, limits on social media apps, or restrictions on dating, strict parenting is present in many different ways. For freshman Ela Aba, the family rule is that grades always come first, and only after all her assignments are done can she spend time with friends.

“For hangouts, it’s a once a week rule,” Aba said. “Sometimes it can be tough because friends are a break from schoolwork to just have fun, and when you can’t see them or do things with them the homework just piles up more.”

Many times there is a disconnect when it comes to teenagers and parents, and Cosgrove said misunderstandings can create negativity, driving teenagers to rebel or engage in irrational behaviors. However, if parents provide reasoning to their rules, Cosgrove said teenagers may respond more receptively.

“If someone explains why a rule exists, I may still not agree with it 100%, but I may understand a fraction of the rationale of why it’s being executed,” Cosgrove said. “I’m probably more likely — as a participant in a broader system, whether it’s my family system or whether it’s my community — to try to come closer to meeting that.”

Along with an understanding from both parents and teenagers, sophomore Poppy Morrison said trust is also a key component in maintaining healthy connections.

“I think it’s important that parents trust their kids because it allows them to have fun and have a good relationship with them,” Morrison said.

While trust remains an important part of any relationship, Cosgrove said without open communication teenagers may not fully grasp where their parents are coming from, further emphasizing the need for a balance that promotes understanding and respect.

Cosgrove said, “If we’re talking about an optimal system, that would be one where there is structure, there are some rules that people agree on, but there’s flexibility and regular communication to explain what the rationale is.”