1 in 2000: The Streaker


Peter Maroulis

The Campanile: I’m here with the streaker, an anonymous young man. Mr. Streaker, could you describe your motives?

Paly Streaker: My motives? I don’t know, I thought it would just be fun. Also, there’s this whole free the nipple movement; free the body, man.

TC: Free the body? OK. So would you say you are pro- or anti-establishment?

PS: Oh, I’m definitely anti.

TC: Evidently. The Daily Pillage criticized you for having a small dingaling. How would you retaliate?

PS: I mean, I think everyone saw the truth, everyone knows, and I think everyone can look back on it….those guys were just wrong.

TC: Right on. What was your inspiration?

PS: My inspiration?

TC: Yeah, for streaking.

PS: I didn’t really have an inspiration. There was one other kid who streaked, but really I felt like I had to be the inspiration to other people. I want more people to streak.

TC: So you’re the streaker, not a streaker?

PS: Yeah.

TC: Any general advice you want to give on the subject of public indecency?

PS: You need a couple of people. You need a guy in the bathroom, you need a guy in a getaway car, and you need someone in the quad on the phone with you telling you the lay of the land.

TC: Now word on the street is that you lightly jogged across the quad rather than running at a dead sprint. Can you confirm or deny these rumors?

PS: It was definitely a bit leisurely. There’s not much admin can really do; they can’t tackle you.

TC: Did you grease yourself up prior to your escapade?

PS: No definitely not. It was all natural.

TC: Do you feel that you’ve benefited Paly by streaking?

PS: I would definitely say that I would, but I definitely think other people would say that I haven’t. Some people think it goes against the concept of safe spaces, but the world doesn’t give you safe spaces, so you’re going to have to deal with that.

TC: I’m at a loss for words, this is really the most powerful interview I’ve ever done.

PS: Well, some advice to anyone who wants to streak.

TC: Sure.

PS: Some things have changed since my escapade. There’s definitely a guy standing near the old theater waiting during lunch. So, I’d definitely say the prime time now is during brunch.

TC: The Campanile definitely does not condone streaking, but would you say that you are an activist?

PS: I wouldn’t consider myself an activist. I knew I could get away with it, and I think it’s kind of bad that people don’t support it.

TC: Do you have any known associations with prior streakers?

PS: I may have gotten some respect from some previous streakers afterwards, but prior to no.

TC: Respect or mad respect?

PC: I would say mad respect.

TC: Very cool. Anything you’d like to say to the admin, the kids, the parents?

PS: Look man, your kids gonna see a naked person someday.

TC: Inflammatory. Do you feel that there are moral objections towards the practice of getting entirely nude and running through the Paly quad?

PS: I mean I’m sure some people think, “Naked people are horrible I don’t wanna deal with them.”

TC: We all come out naked, don’t we?

PS: Yeah, exactly. Get over yourselves.

TC: Any final comments? Can we expect to see you again, naked and unafraid?

PS: Maybe.