Politicians represent honesty and transparency; they embody the gateway to a better country, albeit, world. They are modern day prophets meant to lead their followers to a brighter future.

Sike.

Ever since Nixon ruined the whole game with Watergate, no one can ever see politics the same way. The adjectives used to describe today’s politicians may as well be straight out of a horror movie review. Slimy. Grimy. Unpleasant. With America angering nearly every country, Russia forming alliances with our enemies and China engaging in shady activities, global politics are becoming nearly impossible to keep up with.

Thanks to the reality of unlimited and uncensored content (barring the 1.2 billion souls in China), apps like Facebook and Twitter are great platforms for receiving factual updates on what is happening in the world. Who better to fill you in on the drama than our unbiased, defectless God-Emperor and king of Twitter, President Donald J. Trump?

“Ding …”

Oh, what’s that you hear? Your daily update from the big man himself.

“Guys I have this under control, I REPEAT UNDER CONTROL, we have the best nukes, the most beautiful women, and lucky for all you small ratty democrats, I am friends with EVERYONE.”

While strolling the path of media to stay updated on politics, on your left you will see MSNBC and on your right you will see Fox News. Both broadcast an array of legitimate media made to enhance your day, and both bear correctly sourced, unbiased and trustworthy stories that assure not to offend anyone. With holy media outlets such as these, there is no need to ever seek contrasting opinions. Every issue discussed on either of these platforms requires no further speculation — always believe what you read online.

With our country gearing up for a new election, televised debates are an ideal way to stay updated on politics. Although many may watch these debates in order to become acquainted with the views of potential U.S. presidential candidates, the primary takeaway from these debates should be, who seems the fittest for the role of president. As the representative of our nation, a president must be undeniably beautiful. They are the eye-candy that leads other nations to become our allies. We as Americans should not be concerned with our leader’s values, education or beliefs. The most important aspect of a president is their beauty. The most physically appealing leader will be the most successful: it’s obvious.

But if following political news bores you, there is always the alternative — move to China where freedom of press is highly valued.abcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefg abcdefgabcdefg Winnie the Pooh abcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefg is abcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefg abcdefg abcdefg abcdefg abcdefg abcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefg watching abcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefgabcdefg you abcdefg abcde fgabcdefgabcd efgabcd efgab cdefga bcdefgabcdefg abcdefg abcdefg abcdefg abcdefg abcdefg abcdefg abcdefg