TTexas lawmakers passed a bill banning abortions past six weeks on Sept. 1, directly contradicting the 1973 landmark Supreme Court case, Roe v. Wade. This law makes Texas the most restrictive state when it comes to abortions.

The Texas law allows private citizens, including out-of-state residents, to sue anyone who performs an abortion at or after six weeks of pregnancy or “aids and abets” the procedure. If they win the lawsuit, they are entitled to $10,000 and legal fees.

In a challenge to this law, a San Antonio physician provided an abortion on Sept. 6 to a woman still in her first trimester but past the six week mark. Twelve days later, he published an op-ed in The Washington Post opposing the Texas law and admitting he had broken it. Since then, two people have sued, both disbarred lawyers.

One of these lawyers is from Oklahoma and describes himself as a “disbarred and disgraced” lawyer in his case report, flouting the fact he is not pro-life. He later revealed to the Associated Press he merely wanted to vindicate the law. The second is a man from Illinois, who described himself as a “pro-choice plaintiff.” 

So, not exactly the results the anti-abortion mobs were hoping for. Then again, I’m not sure what they were thinking. Apparently not that there would be American Civil Liberties Union plants. Or that the majority of the United States would not be OK with not only an open violation of Supreme Court precedent but a blatant move to oppress women. 

Many abortion-rights activists warned of a Wild West situation, where vigilantes would sue anyone involved in the abortion process to claim their $10,000 check.

Luckily, Texan contrarianism runs so deep, citizens have decided to clean themselves up once and for all. As far as Texans are concerned, taking lives with bullets is totally fine. Guns. No permits. No background checks. Wallet, check. Keys, check. Mask, trash. Gun, in purse. Check. Vaccines, never. 

In addition Texas’ The Lone Star Governor, Greg “I shoot reporters” Abbott decided the best use of his funds was to create a wall of police cars across the miles-long border between Texas and Mexico, the one Haitian immigrants have been streaming across to seek asylum and shelter while war and natural disasters rage through their country. 

I bet Abbott convinced his officers by telling them their trip to the border was a much-earned ranch, river-side vacation. Look at the beautiful Rio Grande, he coaxed. You can barely even see the thousands of starving immigrants. And all those horsies. It’s time to play cowboy. Round ‘em up, fellers.

Abbott’s goal seems to be to keep as many people as possible from ever going near Texas. With no-mask mandates and anti-vaccination propaganda, he proudly showcases the petri dish of diseases and illnesses his state has to offer. And if you look into his bathroom, you’ll find ones from down south. 

Speaking of Mexico, Cancun’s favorite senator is continuing to wage a war on women. Senator Ted Cruz has moved from throwing his wife and daughters under the bus to cutting down on their rights. 

In reality, Cruz spews what his constituents want him to. He revealed recently his stance on abortion is singlehandedly keeping his campaign alive.

In other news, Florida governor Ron DeSantis says he thinks he might follow Texas’s lead and endorse an anti-abortion bill similar to the one the Supreme Court approved. 

“I’ll have to think, and that might take some time,” DeSantis said. “It’s something I haven’t done in years.”