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Erik’s Makeup Advice

Art by Hannah Singer

For some, the complexities of makeup and morning routines may take only 20 minutes, not including teeth brushing which you probably forgot. For others the same routine can take two hours, 80% of which is spent in the shower, driving up utility bills faster than my grades the week before school ends. 

However, as an uncertified makeupologist, I will show you the most efficient morning routine with all the proper steps. And the best part? It only takes a couple of minutes, so you should be ready in no time.

I usually start my routine the night before so I can fit in my Four-Dollar Morning Routine, but if you don’t watch TikTok for 30 minutes between every step, you can probably make this fit in the morning.

Starting at 14:85 a.m., the first step in this routine is doing your hair.

If you dye your hair, a great piece of advice I have never used is to use a Sharpie instead of traditional hair dye. I wouldn’t recommend whiteboard markers because they’re erasable. Once I used transparent whiteboard ink for my hair(less) style, but parts of the ink would dry up and fall off, causing 100% fake dandruff that comes from the whiteboard ink only. 

If you braid your hair, make sure to wet it first before tying the knots. Twenty-five knots make a braid on two strands of hair. Repeat this process for your hair (on the head). At the end you should have approximately 100 knots on your four braids. 

Next comes the most important part: makeup (for the face). 

Depending on how you use your makeup, the expiration date may or may not matter. If you use makeup for cosmetic purposes, then the expiration date can be disregarded.  However, if, like me, you eat your makeup, check the expiration date, and sample the product for safety before fully consuming it. (Editors’ note: Don’t eat makeup.)

If you want to be foundationally sound for your day, apply foundation. It also helps build the foundation of your face. After foundation, apply lipstick to make your lips red. 

Then, apply chapstick to maintain the color. To get some contour on your face, apply contour lines for the authentic look of a contour map. This is a good practical use of multivariable calculus. Finally, let the makeup sit. It needs to rest after all that standing. 

Next, apply sunscreen to whiten the eyes. Many people don’t realize that SPF stands for Spread Pain Factor, which indicates how much pain you feel when applied to your eyes. If you have a higher pain tolerance then go for the higher SPF ratings — after all, keeping the pupil white is important for your look.

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