1 in 2000


This edition featuring:
Alice Hao

with The Campanile’s own
Dami Bolarinwa


The Campanile: How’s your day going anyways? How have you been?

Alice Hao: I’m currently on the verge of passing out but other than that, fine.

TC: Why are you passing out? It’s like 6:30 [p.m.].

AH: Exactly. It’s 6:30 [p.m.] and I’m at work.

TC: How did you get so good at calling people trolls?

AH: Um, let’s just say ever since middle school I’ve had a reaction to people like that. If we have a back and forth diss battle (I’ve had a lot of those in my lifetime), even if people aren’t insulting me, I insult them back.
TC: That’s cool. How would you want Paly to remember you by?

AH: Someone who was very good at calling others troll even though they weren’t.

TC: So do you have any advice for underclassmen?

AH: Just if you’re biking or walking stay out of the middle of the road because I will hit you. Like stay out of my way.

TC: Why would you hit them?

AH: You know it’s like when you finish taking three tests in a row and you want to go home and you want to sleep and there’s like a gaggle of freshmen in front of your car and it’s just like “get out of my way or get hit.”

TC: I’m sorry I never feel that way but I get it. That’s so mean. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

AH: I would have time control. That way I could fast forward to when I get my test answers back, memorize them, and then go back and retake the test. It’s a good thing to have.

TC: What do you think your most admirable characteristic is?

AH: My honesty. I’m not afraid to tell people what I think of them or what I think about them. Of course that does technically get me into trouble sometimes. It’s just you know, I don’t like minding my words so people get their feelings hurt.

TC: Toughen up, people. What are you plans for the future?

AH: A typical Asian dream. Go to a good 4-year college. Graduate. Go to a good graduate school. Graduate. And then get a level entry job.

TC: Why do you say a typical Asian dream?

AH: Because that is the dream nearly every Asian has on this planet. Get a good job, get good money. You know it as well as I do.

TC: So Spirit Week’s coming up. Are you dressing up this year?

AH: I’m going to dress up for some of the days. Not all of them. Because I’m not looking forward to going to school wrapped in a bedsheet, pretending to be Caesar.

TC: Why would you not want to go to school in a bedsheet?

AH: Because if you were a dude it wouldn’t be that big of a deal but then if you’re a girl, it just gets awkward on so many levels. Trust me. Last year, I saw a senior girl and her toga dropped and everything was hanging out. Traumatizing.

TC: That is a bit traumatizing. So is there a mister Alice Hao in the making?

AH: Um, my dad is in the kitchen cooking, I think.

TC: Any last words?

AH: No not really. I have to get back to work, my manager is going to kick my [butt].