We don’t talk about sex enough. While it’s always been a taboo subject in religious, social and educational settings, and while we have begun to talk more about it, we still  don’t talk enough about the foundational communication not just involved in sex but also in everyday interactions: consent.

Teaching a more in-depth consent education model in late elementary and middle school programs would give students the proper way to report and pursue necessary resources in the cases of sexual assault or harassment.

I remember encounters with consent education throughout elementary and middle school where kids would giggle about sugarcoated information. These lessons would be something as simple as a “consent for kids” video playing in advisory, but I never felt like we were being told enough.

For elementary and middle schoolers consent was seen as a strange, foreign topic, and partially because at that age it was.

Consent was always taught in a way that seemed to prompt mocking. I remember my classmates saying things such as, “You need my consent to talk to me,” or, “You need consent to make me take this test.” Peers often took the topic of consent unseriously, and sometimes I felt like I should too. We were never taught that consent mattered as much as it does.

Although this frivolous behavior on the part of my peers may stem from immaturity, consent was not taught seriously enough because we never covered its importance in sexual situations. Yes, consent starts with basic communication, but it becomes essential in situations regarding our bodies.

In fourth grade I remember receiving the “puberty talk” in our classrooms. Many of the topics covered in the talk were things I had already talked about with my parents, including the importance of bodily autonomy. While I understand throwing in consent when bringing up the subject of our bodies, why are we waiting for puberty to talk about consent in sexual situations?

In addition, for many kids, the consent “puberty talk” was a lot of information encountered all at once. I think that consent can be a lost narrative when buried under the curiosity that comes with learning about puberty and growing up.

Consent needs to be taught in a way where students can focus solely on that topic and think deeply about the importance of it in all of their future interactions.

When I was in middle school, I knew multiple classmates who experienced sexual assault and harassment in school by classmates or other people in their lives, sometimes adults. I felt helpless, because students were not receiving the adequate education needed to protect themselves, nor being taught how to report violations of their consent.

Sometimes students would harass or hurt others, and they didn’t realize they were part of the problem, simply because they were never taught what they were doing was wrong. I have come to know survivors of child on child sexual assault in the district, which could have been mitigated or stopped if only we had talked about sexual boundaries early on.

Because of those experiences, I have been teaching consent education to underclassmen at Paly through a student-run club, Responsive, Inclusive, Safe Environment (RISE) Student Task Force. All of our RISE lessons are student-taught and created as is our recruitment and training of peer educators.

This is not solely an issue we see here at Paly. Sexual violence has affected people across the district, and RISE works alongside the Gunn Title IX club to deliver informative and effective consent education lessons for all students at the two high schools.

Over two Advisory periods, our student-designed consent and relationship education model focuses on learning how to build and respect boundaries –– starting with definitions of consent, and sexual violence vocabulary. We also work through situations where students discuss in small groups what they would do in various sexual and non-sexual consent-based situations.

In the second Advisory period we launch into relationships. RISE thinks relationships — romantic or platonic — only work when consent and communication is involved. We cover signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships and watch a short film, followed by discussions.

Two years ago, the consent education model consisted of only just two lessons in P.E. classes during the season overlap between Winter and Spring sports, with the intention of teaching as many students as possible.

Unfortunately, RISE encountered a multitude of issues with teaching consent education in P.E. classes due to it being a distracting environment with many groups sharing the space. Teachers would sometimes change plans without notice, not show up to lessons, or we would find out at the last minute that the gym was booked for other activities, making it more challenging to teach.

Since then, we have transitioned to smaller lessons in Freshman Advisory, using a new slideshow and survey system to collect data on the effectiveness of the consent education program. While this consent education model works better, we are limited to only 100 minutes to teach extremely important lessons meant to last a lifetime.

Because of this short period of time, we must select the most important information instead of going more in depth in consent education, because we have no way of knowing if this is the first or the last time a student will learn about the importance of consent and boundaries.

Consent education, however, is included in PAUSD high school curriculum. Currently, Paly students are required to take Living Skills, a semester-long course, offered to sophomores through seniors. The class covers the basics of consent and provides the resources students may need when filling out a Title IX or reporting sexual misconduct to authorities.

Despite Living Skills being an effective class for teaching consent education, the information often comes too late to achieve its intended impact. By the time they take the class, many students have already encountered situations where consent education would have been essential.

It is not uncommon for students to have their first romantic or sexual experiences before they take Living Skills. It is too late for consent education to be taught only at the end of high school; it is essential knowledge that needs to come much earlier.

The district and curriculum experts should implement in-depth consent education in late elementary and middle schools so students receive consent education before they need to use it. By teaching consent, we teach communication and effective boundaries.

Consent is not just about sex — it’s about knowing how to effectively communicate and establish boundaries in all relationships. Yet sex remains the topic that is not talked about enough but where consent is the most important to have.