Music echoes as someone finds their way to the kitchen counter, pouring another round of alcohol into red solo cups. As they turn, they offer you a drink with a relaxed smile.
“It’s only one. Loosen up a little, have some fun.”
You shake your head and their smile falters. A couple of people glance over, curious and a little amused. The moment passes quickly, but it’s a reminder of how deeply society’s standards can decide what’s “normal.”
Saying no to alcohol might seem like a harmless personal choice, something that wouldn’t provoke much attention. After all, we are accustomed to hearing about people refusing to do drugs or experimenting with substances. In fact, abstinence is often praised. But when it comes to refusing alcohol — the most accepted and widely consumed drug among adolescents — it carries a unique stigma. For many high schoolers, drinking is seen as a rite of passage, and sobriety is met with more judgment than expected.
In recent years, the rise of sobriety culture led by movements like “Sober Curious” and “Dry January” has created space for open conversations about alcohol. While these initiatives have encouraged abstinence, the stigma remains prevalent.
In social settings, when you refuse alcohol, it’s like you’ve made a mistake. Unlike saying no to drugs –– which is seen as a sign of strength and self-control –– saying no to alcohol creates an assumption it’s for a personal reason — like past trauma or health concerns. Why else would someone choose not to drink? This assumption is even more exacerbated with teenagers, who are often figuring out their identities and social belonging. Alcohol becomes a shortcut to social acceptance.
This dynamic points to something deeper: alcohol has become so ingrained in our societal norms that not drinking feels wrong. This plays a key part in addiction to alcohol, especially for teenagers. Even worse, this normalization can shape their view before they’re even fully aware of how alcohol impacts them. Most teens start drinking not out of curiosity, but out of fear of being excluded.
To make matters worse, those who are addicted to alcohol are not only overlooked, but actively enabled. Society has learned to laugh off the drunk friend, to portray unhealthy relationships with alcohol as just “being young” or “letting loose.” It’s almost become an expected behavior, one that’s regularly joked about in pop culture and social circles.
People talk about their drunk nights and hangovers like they are badges of honor, and their inability to quit drinking is framed as a quirky flaw, not a sign of addiction. This teaches the younger generation that dangerous behavior is OK as long as it’s socially accepted, and reinforces the idea that drinking is simply a teenage phase they are supposed to go through.
Compare this to how addiction to other substances is viewed. A person addicted to drugs like heroin or cocaine is often met with judgment and concern about their health. This addiction is seen as weakness or lack of self-control. That person is expected to seek help, get clean and be held accountable for their actions in a way that the “problematic drinker” is often not confronted with. Teenagers especially receive these mixed messages. They are heavily warned about the dangers of drugs in schools, yet rarely taught that alcohol is equally capable of harming their developing brains and influencing long term behavior.
Alcohol’s presence in media and the way it’s marketed and advertised also adds to the stigma against sobriety. Its presence in films, TV shows and advertisements often portrays drinking as “fun” and “glamorous”. The party scene is rarely depicted without alcohol, leading to the belief that you can’t have fun without it. The media not only normalizes alcohol, but portrays alcohol as proof you’re fun, mature or socially “in the know”. With its strong presence and marketing in media, even kids are exposed to it, and impressionable children can stick to this belief throughout their life.
This leniency towards alcohol might seem confusing when you look at the statistics. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, alcohol is one of the leading preventable causes of death in the United States, responsible for more than 178,000 deaths each year. However the deep normalization of alcohol use makes its danger easy to overlook.
With 99,017 of these alcohol related deaths being ages 16 and older in 2020, it reminds us that alcohol remains one of the most accessible substances for teenagers, despite its legal age restrictions. Teenagers get it through fake IDs, stealing from grocery stores and gas stations, or even through their own parents.
While we’re beginning to see a shift in how we talk about mental health, particularly with younger generations becoming more open about therapy and self-care, the conversation around alcohol remains unchanged. The belief that alcohol is a natural part of socializing has made seeking therapy for it even more challenging.
The first step toward getting rid of the stigma around sobriety is shifting the conversation. Rather than portraying sobriety as something to be ashamed of, we need to celebrate it as an empowered, personal choice, just like we celebrate abstaining from other substances. In the same way we acknowledge the gravity of addiction to other substances, we must start to recognize the harms of alcohol addiction. It’s time to recognize the choice to abstain as courage to make your own choices, even when social norms push back.